After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
