When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
