ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
