And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Sacagawea was the original milf.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
