i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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