"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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