I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
