If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
