o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
