remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
