Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
