Cold hands, warm shart.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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