I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
