it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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