Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
