i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Actions speak louder than pants.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
