where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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