Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
