Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
