i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
