Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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