she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
