peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
