Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Randomize
