Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
