I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
