I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
