After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
