Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
