Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
