I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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