I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
