There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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