well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
