You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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