did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
