What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
