Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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