On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
