It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
