i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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