hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I forget how to act sober
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
