i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
