watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
