Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
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