I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
