can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I lost the right to judge tonight
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