is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
