I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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