My Higher Power is John Stamos
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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